Yes, Co-Sleeping IS Like Murder

I've never been one to preach about the do's and don'ts of parenting. The Good Lord knows I don't give a second thought to those who preach to me. This post is an exception. I'm here to warn you about the dangers of co-sleeping with your toddler. I never thought I'd be sitting here writing this, but trust me. You'll want to read.

Two nights ago, on the cusp of what I feel may be a developmental leap, I scooped up my Lily Pie and put her in our bed.

And? I was almost murdered by my co-sleeping toddler.

Yes, my eighteen pound, twenty-seven inch bundle of precious unleashed a chaos so fierce it has left me traumatized.


Having always been a great sleeper in her crib, I decided to bend my bedtime rules and allow her to sleep with us for once. What had prompted this was her waking up several times within an hour, which is completely unusual for her. The minute I picked her up, she lay her sweet little head on my shoulder and I thought Meh, I'll just let her sleep with us. I lay her down in between Pittman and I, fluffed my pillow, and snuggled under the blanket with my little family.

And then it started. At first, it was just the tossing and turning and I thought Okay, this is new for her. She just needs to get comfortable. That continued, which led to the sitting up and looking around, which led to her realizing she was with mama and dada, which led to her taking turns wacking each of us on the head. After a few minutes of this abuse, she heard the dogs and turned her attention on them. "HI BOOZ...HI BOOZ...HI BOOZ..." She bounced her way, kicking my stomach and kneeing her daddy, over to the foot of the bed, and in my groggy state I managed to save her from flying right over. I picked her up, and lay her back down in the middle and she promptly rolled over, sat up and continued bouncing her way around the bed, all the while throat punching me with her tiny foot, clawing at Pittman in the dark, and clumsily butting her head into my head...and eye...and nose...and lip. "Can't you make it stop?" Pittman whispered. "Shhh." I said. "Just pretend you're asleep and she'll leave us alone." So we lay there and endured the attack, hoping it would be over soon so that we would return to a peaceful slumber. I even gave in and handed her my phone loaded with The Wiggles videos, just desperate for her to be still. But the iPhone wielding toddler had no mercy on the two parents, who were now balled in opposite corners of the bed, shielding their most sensitive areas from harm's way.

Near the break of dawn, the toddler, finally weary, plopped herself down and went right to sleep. I looked over at Pittman, then myself and was relieved to see we both survived our first, and I'm willing to bet our last, night of co-sleeping.

I hope you have read my story with an open mind. Please share it with others. Take care, and remember to protect yourself when co-sleeping.